My brother Steve is well known for his temper, not in a volatile way, but in a short on patience with the whole world kind of way.  He was telling me about his awful night where his outdoor woodstove kept going out.  His exact words were: “I would have lit the whole thing on fire out of frustration except that was the very thing that was wrong.”  It reminded me of a story of my childhood when my dad lost his cool and inflicted hundreds of dollars of damage on a tractor when he could not repair something simple.  I think we all have these “burn it down” moments of frustration. When we suddenly get so bogged down in our problem that our reactions become out of step with the solution and in step with the emotions of the heightened frustration.  For Steve’s woodstove he established that he had tried to take a short cut on misshapen wood chunks, but as they burned, large gaps were created, stopping the wood from combusting.  Emotions, as they say are not all good or all bad.  There are lots of times where a good flash of anger uses up some energy that can then offer a calm to look at the issue a different way.  The challenge is to do what we need to for the problem solving, the burning it down, often sets us back further away from the solution or resolution, burning up our critical thinking. Causing a gap, and prolonging the dark night.

I had the chance a few weeks ago to hear a minister speak about a metaphor for our busy lives. He talked about a glass, that appeared empty but was in fact filled to the brim with air. So the analogy then was that the air represented all the things that we can’t see that clog up our weeks and days. Our worries, our doubts, our resentments, memories, trauma, hurts and happy emotions and thoughts also. That full to the brim idea that the glass represented, then turned to how we might empty the glass of air, how would we suck out the air, how could we force out the air, create a vacuum. He was quick to point out that all the strategies that remove the air would inevitably harm the glass through the depressurization. The glass was full of air, full of our anxious thoughts and constant emotions and it would appear his analogy was offering nothing to lessen the load. Then he offered that the simplest way to empty the glass of air, was to fill it with water. How simple the air no longer has the space it needs because this is replaced by the water. Then Reverend Jonathan Baird concluded, sometimes we get so focused on what we want to remove we start to destroy our moments and the days with the pressure of how to create a more balanced peaceful life. Just like the water in the glass analogy, a better tactic could be to focus on what we want our glass to be full of and pouring it in. Is it mindfulness, is it an important person, is it faith, is it peace. What can we add, top up and layer on that begins to push the anxious space holders up and out of the limited space of our minds and days and weeks. What do we want to hold the space for, what is it that will calm and nourish and how can we pour so much of that in, that there is almost no space for the rest? Grab a pitcher of peace and keep pouring.

I was having a conversation with a neighbour this week and he offered that I was a kin keeper. He explained that it was an Irish term that was about a person that kept their family connected and kept their family traditions alive. I loved the idea of giving what I feel like I do a name. When I looked it up, lots of references likened the kin keeper to the family glue, the tradition keeper, the person that writes letters, sends messages, and tells family stories. It reminded me of a joke I saw on the internet that read – I may not be the family glue, but I am the only one who knows where the glue is. Take a minute to think about who this is in your family. Who is the one that tells the old stories of grandparents or childhood, who sends the cards and keeps people connected. Who makes the traditional recipes and encourages the get togethers? And if you don’t have much family, who in your circle of friends is the glue? Once you have the person in mind, take a moment to appreciate all they do and turn it around to make sure that you are telling them a story of how much impact they have and how much they are appreciated. I think everyone has some role in keeping their kin, in a big and small ways we are all connected, we are all taking care, taking responsibility and celebrating each other’s wins and what we enjoy about one another. Sometimes we do not know how to help another person through a challenge, but we all know how to make a sandwich and make some time, keep your kin close and connected.

There are a lot of competing pressures for our time and attention.  And as I have said many times before we can easily get caught up in the glory of busy.  We ask each other how things are going and the quick answer many times is- so busy.  In fact, last week I mentioned to a friend that I was noticing the beauty of the morning frostiness on the trees reflecting in the sun and the response was – you have too much time on your hands.  So now we not only make busy glorious, but a hint of unbusy is now sometimes mocked.  What we know for sure though is that we were not wired to live this way, to hear of extreme tragedies in BC, to cheer on dozens of athletes on an app while working, to tackle hundreds of tasks while that app is on with work and then make our evening matter with more tasks and preparations, while listening to yet more information on a pod cast or TV.  We, they say, are actually wired to rest when the sun goes down, unwind by the fire, leave time in the day to just think, and be with people laughing and telling stories, creating our sense of the world and self in relation to others.  While I know that there is no going back to fires in the hearth and quiet uncomplicated evenings of rest.  Perhaps there are small things that we can start to change to make space.  What might happen if we tried for one or two weeks not to discuss how busy we are, but instead looked for something else, some kind of story that made a connection.  We need to slow the busy and ramp up the living and being, together.

This week I cannot help but notice that the days are getting longer and the sun is warmer and the days of the calendar march forward as they always do.  I am usually aware of when things are very busy because I almost unconsciously start to make day themed to do lists, even sometimes breaking tasks down into morning and afternoon.  Little by little it gets done and I get through a long list.  Equally I think about hard things and times that we all have to face, and we have to realize that there is no short cut or way to just go around, we must stack up the days and what each day brings and go through it.  One day at a time sounds like such a simple thing but in it is the reminder that while big challenges seem overwhelming there is no possible way for a whole week to gang up on us, no way for three days to suddenly jump us, whatever is going on, it happens one step at a time.  The simple mantra is also a powerful reminder to be present, notice what is right in front and in our control.  Check in with the present moment, yes the big challenge seems overwhelming but what about this present moment, can we set some hard things down for a while, can we feel safe a calm in this moment, can we take one small step toward the bigger task.  One definition of anxiety is too much focus on the future and what it holds.  When we focus on what each day holds, what we can reach and affect in that day, the days march on and soon we can see the impact of our actions and the difference we are making in the bigger problem.  Notice today, do the next thing, slay the big things.

I was reminded this week of one of my old sayings that I had not been using much recently- eat the frog.  I am not sure where I first heard it or why it made particular sense to me.  However, to me it is a phrase summing up the advice to do the thing that you have been putting off and probably doing a lot of other little easier things rather than it, for a long time.  I think we all do this, I know I have often had a huge project at the top of my to do list and will look at some easy wins first just to sort of get warmed up.  Eat the frog.  I guess I like the phrase too because there is nothing exciting or enticing about doing the big thing, its going to be a bit hard, a bit complicated and often perilous.  This expands well beyond to do lists at work .  We can put off personal frogs like hard conversations, resolution type wellness goals and reconnecting with friends that have grown distant.  While it’s a common experience to put off hard things I think it is an equally common feeling of accomplishment, relief, pride and resolve when we finally do the things.  I googled the phrase and it came up that it originated from Mark Twain- In his autobiography, Mark Twain says, “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” I feel like Mark Twain is urging all of us to do the hard thing, and if its part of a list of hard things, do the hardest first.  Eat the frog, and then go on after that to do thing far more enjoyable that are more like eating the chocolate. 

This week marked the passing of a former staff of Community Living. Those of us that worked with her have shared memories together and mourn her passing. Marnie was a complex person that had such an adventuring life. Married to a diplomat in her first relationship, she was well travelled, she was an administrator of a school in Nunavut, she lived for years in the Northwest Territories and regaled us with stories of her life there. When I met her was living in Fenelon with her best friend and husband Greg and a constant wonderful group of dogs. Marnie worked at a community home, and her very presence was a calming, wise, centering and impactful. While her presence also usually meant that cold coffee and an English muffin with peanut butter long forgotten was also constantly present. Her laugh was infectious and she loved to make things fun. On a day where we decided as team to do a Julia Roberts movie fest, she arrived first thing in the morning dressed as Roberts in Pretty Woman. For me this week, I think all of us that knew her have realized the huge impact she had on our lives that perhaps we hadn’t realized while she was walking the earth with us. For me also, I reflect on this huge life that she had, that she travelled and took on the rugged living of the far north and through it all her focus never waivered from her family, community and much loved pets.  She had these extraordinary adventures, but when I met her, she was living a quiet life in a small community making a huge difference in her role and inspiring almost without meaning to.  Sometimes, I think we get awestruck by those that have high profile glamourous lives in exotic places.  However, as Marnie’s legacy will attest, inspiration comes in all forms and can certainly hail from a small life in a small community, where a person carves a path of connection.  Marnie made an impact, and an impression and leaves a whole bunch of us wishing we had told her. And so here is another reminder that we should just blurt out the awkward stuff when we think of it, tell people that they are great, tell them how they inspire you, take a minute to show how much we appreciate another. I know that we may think there is time or perhaps a special occasion where we can offer our admiration, lets make any old day that special occasion and say the things we want to say to those the inspire and lead from where they are.

This week I saw an old friend who told the other people that he was sitting with that- “Teresa and I go back 100 years.”  So, I thought about how far we actually do go back and its more like 21.  But I would say that we often use these kinds of exaggeration to make a bigger impact.  I know I say things like – I have heard this a million times, or I know I am 100 years old, but… However, lets think for a minute about 100 years ago- 1925, so much was different.  The first world war and Spanish Flu had just finished changing society a great deal.  There were more cars than carriages in the streets, but there were still both.  Women were still for the majority relegated to the domestic roles of housewives and service.  People were just settling huge swathes or this country and trying to clear forests and build homes out of the raw material around in lots of parts.  In the context of history 100 years is a blink, in the context of family 100 years is up to four generations.  In the context of almost everything it is called antique or vintage.  100 years from now, what do you think we will see?  In the year 2125?  What will be remembered of our time here now?  Family history will call us daughters, fathers, nephews and grandparents.  Some of us might be remembered for volunteer roles or impacts that we had on different projects.  For the most part the world will just continue.  Just another reminder to live in the moment, do all we can now, 100 will go by and we will be just a memory, lets embrace all that is right now.  In 100 years it’s only the things that we create now that might last.

I was asked this week, as part of a good conversation about goal setting, to identify my peak moments of 2025.  Here is the interesting thing, the facilitator gave us a lot of time for the exercise.  So, at first, I focused on the big shiny things, a wedding, a vacation, a professional achievement.  However, as I continued to think and write I found myself remembering more little moments like, the moment when my kids installed a water fountain in the pond and I spent the afternoon beside it.  Or the day that I went on a road trip with my spouse and we had no agenda or real destination and we just rambled around all day on an adventure in Ontario.  I think sometimes we get lost in the idea that the highlight reel is big ticket items that we plan and save for.  When we have more time to think about times that made our hearts sing, we can start to think of the snapshots in our reels where there was great impact that was more spontaneous.  All this reflecting then led to the question: what does success in 2026 look and feel like?  It was an impactful move from the peak moment reflection because after the time with my thoughts I was able to be more mindful that a successful 2026 will have a mix of the big moments that I work for and plan and the small unexpected delights that just happen on a quiet Saturday often when we are making other plans.  Take a moment to reflect on your own, what were the peaks, what do you want to chase and make happen in 2026 and enter stage right.

I love the idea that Arianna Huffington offers that failure is not the opposite of success but is in fact part of success.  As we enter a new year, I am sure we are thinking about 2025 and all that transpired.  I can say that I have had a few highlights, a few adventures, a few challenges and made several mistakes.  The great part about the changing of the year, is that feeling of a clean slate, a new fresh start, even if only symbolically.  And while I am tempted to focus only on the highlight reel, the mistakes and challenges deserve a little attention too.  What did we learn? How did we change and grow?  What do we know about ourselves now that we did not before?  It’s all important for the next part of the journey.  For the part of the new year where we start to have new opportunities, or chances to try something different or where we are forced to make hard choices and face icky things.  It’s the culmination of all that we have done and been so far, that builds us up to face the next thing.  Afterall, the new year also offers a chance to reflect on all that we have overcome and triumphed over so far.  We are still here, we are still facing the future, we are still making a difference, and we are celebrating a new year.  Sure we have made mistakes, had some flops, we know better now and we can do better in the next chapter, happy new year.